"...I'm singing for the love of it - have mercy on the man who sings to be adored."
-Snow Is Gone, Josh Ritter
I knew this day would come eventually. There's a bad feeling floating over my head, and I have a lump in my throat, but I'm actually a little relieved that I feel this way. I miss loving photography.
Something happened along the way that I can't quite put my finger on, but I stopped loving it. I can't even begin to express how guilty I feel saying that. I've had so many people support me wholeheartedly, and I was am good at it. Well, it ends today.
I read an info-graphic on Pinterest that blindsided me a bit (I'm aware that having a mind-changing event over an info graphic on Pinterest is lame... that being said) Something about being a "Pro" photographer vs. an "amateur." It makes total sense to me now, but I never grasped the root word in "amateur."
From French, from Latin amātor lover, from amāre to love.
Professional photographers scoff at being called amateur. What an insult! What I would give to revert to my amateur mindset. Looking back, my work was clever, thoughtful, and beautiful before I started trying so hard. I loved what i was doing. I took pictures of things no one normally would. I felt inspired by the littlest things. I gave a voice to overlooked aspects of everyday life. I NEED to get back to this place.
These all came from my 365 project. As exhausting as it was, That project helped me produce some wonderful images I would never have thought about if I weren't forced outside of my comfort zone. It's obvious that I need to be forced out again. So I will be re-starting 365 in a couple weeks. To document our last year in Germany.
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I think I understand how you feel. I have been told many times I should be a fashion designer, but I know if its my profession I won't love it anymore. I have always admired your candids and think it makes your blog beautiful. I hope to still see you in the photo contest with photos you took for fun!
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